Johnson, Merri Lisa, “Ladies, Love Your Box: The Rhetoric of Pleasure and Danger in Feminist Television Studies,” Media/Cultural Studies: Critical Approaches, eds. Rhonda Hammer; Douglas Kellner, (New York: Peter Lang Publishing, 2009) 400.
This reenforces my X-ness.
Okay so I want to experience the paranormal. I want it to be like what is on TV. But even still. I want to be in the middle it. I want to be the one that figures it out or at least warns people. I don’t know. There is something about it that intrigues me. I know I might be watching too much TV, although I have cut down and it is only in reference to two shows. I have always been intrigued by magic, heck that is what got me into the line of work that I am pursuing now. But there is this desire for magic and fairy tells to be real. I do not know. Maybe it is just that right now I am looking for an escape from the ordinary. My ordinary is kinda blurred right now. I am trying to get everything in line and it hasn’t been doing that. After all, this smells like middle school in which I wanted these things to be true. Although, there are my dreams, which have cooled down, although they are still very vivid and I dream most every night. I don’t know I feel I can’t explain things very well and the places I turn to are based in the supernatural. I think it has to do with being unsure. This whole summer has been a wobbly ride trying to figure out my life after college. I desire guidance, personalized guidance. I want to know what I will be doing in September. I want to know everything about myself. I want to know the tiny details that I overlook. I want to know what my life is going to be like without experiencing it. I know that is the fun about life, but I feel like my life has had so many things happen, I want to be ready for them. I want control over my life. I do, but I desire so much more control. I want to be someone that just sails through their great life. I feel like I have had to work so much harder for the things that I have achieved and see other people become successes only putting minimal effort. I feel like I have the same worries, just new ways of trying to get them to go away. *le sigh*
Johnson, Merri Lisa, “Ladies, Love Your Box: The Rhetoric of Pleasure and Danger in Feminist Television Studies,” Media/Cultural Studies: Critical Approaches, eds. Rhonda Hammer; Douglas Kellner, (New York: Peter Lang Publishing, 2009) 394.
Honestly I love the image that is being put forth. lol
Chapkis, Wendy. Beauty Secrets. Boston: South End Press. 134.
So as much as I don’t want to produce an artifice, I do want to be objectified. I guess they don’t have to be related and what I deeply desire is to be objectified by the people I objectify as is. I had that with my ex but the fact we had to break up because of school and now I am back at square one.
Chapkis, Wendy (1986). Beauty Secrets. Boston: South End Press. p. 133.
I feel this applies to me. I like to be artifice-free. This is not to say that I have never and will never produce an artifice. I like to say that I see beyond artifices because they can be fake and just annoying. I like to be emotionally honest. This isn’t to say I don’t buy it to them because I do bite into the artifice of the well-groomed man, among others. But being honest with myself, I don’t need to wear fancy clothes most activities. I am just happy in my t-shirt, shorts, and birks. (Although I do buy, literally, into something else, just to personal to share here) I think that is why it is tough for me to really get on board with a fitness plan. I ultimately don’t buy into the promises that working out will give me. Now this one has to change because now I have to deal with potential weight issues that can go away once I loose the weight. I feel like I need to reframe the relationship between artifice and my body so that I will put in the effort to loose the weight.
- the one with Johnny Depp
- and Helena Bonham Carter
- with the soundtrack by Danny Elfman
my crush got married. It is one thing to see the status updates about the planning, but to see her pictures is bizarre. I don’t know. The last picture of her is at our graduation mass with her brother and her ten thousand cords, which I told her I was willing to take some off of her. This is weird because who would have thought she would have settled down so quickly, I thought she was going to make this big splash with all of those cords. It is weird to see people getting married at this age and I have a feeling the wedding pictures are going to continue to pop up on my stream for next few years as my class settles down and has kids. I feel very awkward knowing the fact I don’t want to get married and have kids until I am done with grad school, meaning it will be around my early 30s. I guess it just feels weird because a lot of these people I never pegged as people who would settle down so quickly. It is like high school and college was their time to be young and free and now that they are out they are all starting to purchase couches from department stores and buy homes. I guess in someways I don’t want to settle down too early. I want to be free of major commitments like a mortgage, a spouse, children, and the like. As mature as I am, I want to experience life first. I think it is that going through being awkward earlier in life. I am finally at a point where I want to do fun and exciting things and I have this time to explore. Although, I never wanted the house with the white picket fence, a golden retriever, and 2.5 kids. That is a big no for me. It just represents something cheesy and yesteryear. I think that is why I doubt I could have been this person’s actual partner, despite the sexuality issue. This isn’t to say this is bad and that no one should want this, but I don’t want this and I am choosing to live my life as I want.
So here is a toast to the happy couple. May they last many years in health and happiness.
Um…England. I feel totally lame for saying that because there are tons of great places around the world. Out of all the fun places I would like to go is England.
I don’t write enough. Okay here is something random.